"I can't go back to yesterday..because I was a different person then."

I was supposed to be cleaning my room up a bit, but instead, like always happens, I ended up just going through some of my old stuff and reorganizing it. I wasn't actually asked to clean my room, but I'm kinda spastic about it. I like to know that there's always one place in the house that'll be mess free. Anyways, I decided to go through everything I found. And I mean everything. Old photo albums, coloring books, writing assignments, journals, 'treasures' :) , and the like. It was quite fascinating! According to my 2003 journal, I was training to be a spy during the month of July. I wrote about things mostly mundane. Daily activities, the gossip of the neighborhood, how much I hated math, rants about my anger against the family...haha. I remember going to Holly's "big kid" youth group one day at church when I was six, because childrens church was closed. I remember the youth pastor proudly, holding up my childrens bible, "I've read the whole bible eight times!" and not realize that my children's bible was not quite the same as the real thing. ;) Oh, and apparently I gave my mom, when I was ten, a "Jhon Kerry biography for her birthday! She didn't really like that." I cracked up when I read that. Oh, and to be sure, watching my handwriting progress through the years has been high entertainment.

Yet the best, most eye opening thing I found in my chest of stuff was a letter from my dad when he was deployed...that I don't ever remember reading. It was written on a typewriter, and the page edges are yellow with age. I don't know, it just means a lot to me. Especially reading it now, after so much has past and changed.

Dear Mary Claire,
21 June 2001

On the occasion of your birthday, I want to tell
you how special you are and how proud I am of you.
You are seven years old now and getting ready for
the second grade. I have a lot of pictures of you
in my head; they make me smile a lot. I see you
sitting in the truck intently looking out the
window taking everything in. I think about the
hikes we've gon on in the Kahukus playing hide and
seek along the way. I think about swimming out to
the big rock at Three Tables and you working hard
to see the fish below. I think about you laying in
bed intently reading your books. You are a superb
reader. I especially like to see you reading your
Bible and learning about God and Jesus. I know God
has a good plan for your life. Reading is a gift
you should continue to enjoy. I like it when you
run with me, we need to do it often so you can get
even better. I want you to continue to work hard
on your schoolwork. You are a good learner and do
good work when you put your mind to it. I like to
see you sitting at your desk working away. We've
had a busy year with our moving to a new house and
everything. We had to leave our Chickens behind
but I'll never forget watching you run around with
Gigi, Buttercup, and other chickens in your arms
running around the yard. You are special to your
little sister Katherine, she really adores you.
That's why it is important to always be a good
example for her. Like your mother, you are a
beautiful girl, inside and out: honey hair and
green eyes. There are so many things that make you
special. I wish I could be there to celebrate with
you. Gran and Papa Keith send their love they want
you to come out and see them. I hope you have a
good time and remember I love you very much!! DAD


Anyhow, I've just changed so much. Looking at my old stuff was fun. Though even looking back just a year ago, I'm embarrassed at how little I knew and how naive I was. I suppose next year I'll do the same in regards to this year. And henceforth. The never ending cycle of revelations in past and future ignorance.